German Bureaucracy: The good and the bad

The first few weeks of 2013 have flown by in a whirl and I'm only just getting back into the swing of things after the Christmas holidays. A bad case of the winter flu delayed my return to work and led to me spending a week sweating, shivering and coughing in bed, lovely!

We also discovered that the paperwork we have for my husbands residence in Germany was actually incorrect so he had the joy of various unsuccessful trips to the "Ausländerbehörde" (Foreigners Office). 

I also became the sheepish owner of my first BVG transport fine as I got caught on the S-Bahn for not having a valid ticket :(      

In all, January 2013 has opened my eyes up to some of the good and the bad of German bureaucracy. I'm quite impatient to start my rant so let's get the bad out of the way first.

I've lived in Spain and suffered the disorganised and extremely unhelpful bureaucratic process there.  I've had so many disappointing and frustrating experiences so I don't think it can get much worse anywhere else. For a little insight into what it's like trying to get anything sorted in Spain, check out this great fictional short film which, although exaggerated for dramatic purposes, sums it up quite nicely! 

Bureaucracy is far better in Germany but there are still some loopholes and unnecessary processes that we've experienced. For example, in order for us to register as a resident (Anmeldebestätigung) we needed to show a contract for a house BUT in order to get a contract for a house we needed to show our Anmeldebestätigung form...humm. That was a tricky one to start off with back in April 2012.

Last year my husband was mistakenly given a form that said he was European and had the right to live and work in Germany. So, we spend months thinking we had everything sorted (we didn't find out because he was doing freelance work and didn't need any docs). We found out when confused immigration officers delayed us leaving Germany for a trip to England as they were holding his Mexican passport in one hand and the form in the other and pondering how it was possible. After a long wait and lots of phone calls, they told us we needed to get the correct papers and sent us on our way. To their credit they were very nice and apologised for making us wait whilst they sorted out the issue.

So, the beef I have with the Ausländerbehörde office is the unnecessary waiting around we had to do and the unclear instructions as to what you actually need to take with you. In fact, I'm quite disappointed with the general attitude of staff towards foreigners in all the official offices we've been to. Most people reluctantly speak English (even though most of them can) and you have to bully them into helping you. I understand the idea that you are in Germany so you should make an effort to speak German but they should give people a chance before passing judgement and putting up their barriers. Loose the attitude people!  

It is possible to book an appointment at the Ausländerbehörde but the earliest one you could book now is April 2013! The only other option is to arrive at the crack of dawn to line up, get a ticket and then wait hours to speak to someone. You'd think that in a country as organised as Germany, they would have a better system.

The first time hubbie went, it was closed (his fault as he didn't check the holiday schedule even after I warned him!). The second time, he arrived too late (even though he arrived early) and there were no more tickets left for that day! The third time was looking good. He got his ticket but was told that I had to be there as well to sign the forms. Luckily I was off work but unluckily I was shivering in bed with the flu!

So, I had to drag myself out of bed and head on over to meet him. I was so out of it and drugged up on flu medicine, that I didn't pay attention to the date. I was stopped by ticket checkers on the S-Bahn who informed me that my transport pass was two days out of date. No sympathy for my plague-like appearance, Bam there's your 40 Euro fine madam. Damn it!

The waiting room was not the nicest experience (no one wants to sit there for hours normally, let alone while you're running a fever). The worst thing of all was that when we eventually got to speak to someone they told us that we needed our marriage certificate translated! Aggghhhh. So we went home with our tail between our legs. What a waste of time!

A week later, armed with our translated certificate and all the other numerous forms we had been told to bring, we went back (woke up at 5am) and 6 hours later walked out of there with a permit number for an impressive 5 years, woo hoo (even though we only asked for two)! It only cost about 30 euros which is incredible considering that for two years in the UK he would need to pay over 800 pounds and for two years in Spain about 200 Euros. Success!

The experience that really impressed me about Germany though was my visit to the doctors. It was extremely easy and efficient. I felt like a celebrity in the posh doctors office that had fresh fruit and drinks as well as very comfy leather chairs in the designer waiting room. I didn't get chance to wait there though as not a moment after my bum touched the seat, I was called by the doctor who examined me and prescribed my medicine and the doctors note for work. I was in, out and back in bed within a hour. That's what you get when you have a functioning private healthcare system I suppose and not the grotty, plastic, over-crowded waiting rooms I'm used to.    

   

German Idioms related to "The Little Boys Room"

Every language has interesting ways to describe the act of going to the toilet or "popping to the loo" as we say in the UK. In fact, bathroom idioms are part of everyday life not just in English but in German too. 

Here are a few German language expressions that I have found related to the WC. If you know of any more I would be very interested to hear them.  

Cartoon by Hule

"Wo der König allein hingeht" 

Where the king goes alone

"Sie sind ebenso schmutzig wie Toilettenpapier"

You're just as dirty as toilet paper

"Das stille Örtchen"

The quiet place (the toilet)

"Wo der Kaiser zu Fuß hingeht"

Where the Kaiser goes on foot

I imagine a king every time I go to the loo now. It makes the whole "process" a lot more fun :P  

G.E.R.M.A.N.Y

Ok so I was bored and had nothing better to do with my time than come up with a list of interesting things about Germany based on the letters of its name; G, E, R, M, A, N, & Y. I did however learn some more about Germany and I hope you do too! Here goes…

G stands for Green

Germany is a very green country.  Although it has one of the highest populations in Europe, 89% of the population lives in and around its cities. That leaves 31% of the country that is still forests and woodlands. With a varying landscape of low and high mountain ranges, lakelands and forests, Germany has a lot of natural spaces to explore. 

E stands for Einstein

Federal archive, image 102-10447 CC-BY-SA

One of the most famous Germans, Albert Einstein, was born in Ulm on the 14th March 1879. Some of the strangest facts I have found about him include the following: 

• His mother thought that he was a deformed baby when he was born because his head was so large! 
• As a boy he became interested in science because of a compass his father gave to him. 
• He failed his university entrance exam!
• After his death, his brain was stolen and kept in a jar by the pathologist who conducted the autopsy! 

R stands for Rhine

The Rhine is Europe’s most important river and the longest river in Germany with 865 km of the river running through the country.  It starts in Switzerland then passes the border between Austria and Liechtenstein, through France, Germany and finally empties into the North Sea in the Netherlands. Eighty percent of its ship-carrying waters pass through Germany. There are more castles along the Rhine River than in any other river valley worldwide. Also, without this important river, German wine probably wouldn’t exist. Is that a good or a bad thing?

M stands for Mecklenburg-Vorpommern

Author - Niteshift (from wikipedia.org)

I like the way this sounds but it’s a bit tricky to say after a few German beers. Apart from sounding like a surname of a German steam-punk villan, it is actually one of the federal states and one of Germany’s leading tourist destinations. It is located in the northeast of Germany and touches the Baltic Sea.  Its capital city is Schwerin and other major cities include Rostock and Greifswald. It is home to two of the oldest universities in Europe, 2,000 castles, the Rostocker Bratwurst (a type of sausage) and its largest brewery produces a beer called Lübzer Pils. 

A stands for Altbier

Author - Eigenes Werk (from wikipedia.org)

Altbier literally means “old beer” and is a German ale brewed using a pre-lager brewing process involving top-fermenting yeast. Altbier is brewed in Düsseldorf and the Rhinelands in the northwest of Germany. The first brewery to use the name “Alt” was Schumacher which opened in 1838. It is copper in colour, cool-fermented and cold-conditioned with an aromatic “hopiness” and a creamy head.   

N stands for North Sea

Author - Mogens Engelund (from wikipedia.org)

The North Sea coast of Germany is very flat and has a series of offshore islands. Several of the islands are inhabited but, in gereral, cars are not allowed. Bikes and horse-drawn carriages are the main form of transport. These islands are all popular holiday destinations where holiday-makers take advantage of the clean air, white beaches and rolling sand dunes. In the area is the “Wadden Sea National Park” which is a protected ecosystem and has been declared an UNESCO biosphere reserve. 

Y stands for the letter “Y”

The “Y” is called ypsilon in German and derives from the letter “J”. There are not many words starting with a ypsilon in the German language! Of the few “y” words used, most of them are imported from other languages such as “yacht” or “yale”.  

I hope you enjoyed learning some interesting facts about Germany. I know i did.
Comments and corrections are welcome!

Six Unexpected Surprises Waiting For You In Your New Life In Berlin

Welcome to our first post in the "curiosities" section! Although we have done a little bit of research into some of the topics, this section is by no means completely factually accurate, rather a place to vent about all the weird and wonderful cultural differences we have experienced in Berlin. Here goes!


Below you will find just a few of the interesting cultural differences we picked up on in our first few weeks here in Berlin.  

A completely empty flat

Germans tend to take all their belongings with them when they move house so many a time a flat will be on the market unfurnished. Now, an unfurnished flat for me still comes with at least a fitted kitchen and light fittings. Think again! Expect an empty shell. Absolutely no furniture, no light-fittings, no bed or even a fitted kitchen in many cases. We even saw a “kitchen” with nothing, I repeat, nothing in it. Not even a sink! So, be prepared.

Unabashed public nudity

Nude sunbathing, at least topless, is normal for many Berliners (not in the winter of course) and it only takes a little bit of spring sun to get them completely out of their clothes and relaxing in the park. In fact there are some parks that are specifically allocated for this very past-time. The Tiergarten park is one such place. So, get your kit off and head to Tiergarten! (maybe do that the other way round) 

Crazy tramp-like people drinking on the streets (that may just be in Kreuzberg!)

I don’t think this is an experience that every newbie has in Berlin but, for us, it was one of our first and cherished memories. We didn’t walk around the neighbourhood much at night after that. Well, it’s not just crazy people who drink on the streets in Berlin. It is fairly common for normal people too as it is not illegal. The thing we like is that there are many shops in Kreuzberg that have benches outside. So, if you are looking for that bar terrace atmosphere without paying bar prices, these places are a great alternative. You are allowed to drink almost anywhere public even on public transport (although the laws may have changed recently) so crack open a beer and wander the streets!

The "Pfand"

Recycling of glass and plastic bottles.

Germans take their recycling very seriously. There is a huge culture of recycling especially of glass and plastic bottles. If you look carefully on the bottles there is sometimes a recycling label which tells you how much the “pfand” is. The pfand is a deposit you pay for the actual vessel aside from buying the contents. Beer bottles, for example, normally cost you 8 cents extra and some plastic bottles fetch 25 cents or even a euro. So don’t be fooled by the displayed price as the phan is normally added on when you pay. Some containers are “pfandfrei” which means you don’t pay extra but you can still recycle them.

This deposit can be claimed back when you return the bottle to a recycling-point. Most supermarkets have them, they are the plastic spinny and crunchy-sounding, hungry-looking bottle-eaters. Usually placed in a dark corner that takes you two hours to find. Beware, it can get confusing! I have had machines spit bottle back out at me in disgust! Some recycling machines don’t like glass and some are snobby and only accept containers bought at the specific supermarket (Lidl for example is one such snob).

Once you feed the machine what it wants you get a little ticket that can be used at the checkout that is then deducted from your next purchase or exchanged for cash (if you’re desperate). A note or caution, don’t go to a recycling machine with just one bottle in a busy supermarket. There is normally a queue of 50 Germans with 100 containers each. Germans WILL laugh at you for trying to skip the queue to get your 8 cents back! I still don’t fully understand the system but it is fun to see the machines eat your bottles! Where the bottles go from there….noone knows!

Credit card refusal!

This is one thing that really stumped us when we first arrived in Berlin. We didn’t have much direct cash available to us so we were planning on paying for food on credit card the first few weeks. Oooops, that didn’t go as planned. There are very few shops, bars and supermarkets that actually accept credit card payments (Kaisers and some Edeka supermarkets are the exceptions we've found). Most places only accept cash or German bank cards which are only useful inside Germany. Even German credit cards are no use in this situation. So, cash only it is then. Better get recycling those bottles for the pennies!

Corner shop beer

I love beer! There is no lack of it in Berlin either. As we mentioned in a previous point, drinking on the street is common so there are many places to buy cold beer. Every corner shop has at least 3 fridges filled with loads of different kinds of German beer (amongst some imported beers) and there are some cheap but tasty beers to try out too. Mainly, what we love about buying beer in the corner shop is that you can walk out onto the street with a freshly opened cold beer because no Berlin corner shop is complete without a bottle opener tied to the counter by a piece of string. Many shopkeeps will gladly offer to open your beer for you as you leave. Also, if you arrive with an empty bottle, your beer is a little cheaper, a reward for helping the shop with their recycling!